Playing Like a Tomato

If you ever want to make a quick friend, offer a redhead sunscreen. This weekend, I got fried. Charred, Sizzled, and Super-baked (without Pam sprayed on the tray). Now don’t worry, I clipped my coupons and got 2 free bottles of Aloe with the one bottle of sunscreen I bought at Walgreens (ironic deal, I know). And everyone’s always nicer when you’re sunburned. My friend suggested I soak in milk, and the lady in the beauty department at the mall gave me free lotion (score!). But despite my best efforts, I can’t deny the fact that my skin is the color of a ripe tomato or a freshly painted fire hydrant (the one that the dog hasn’t peed on yet, I hope).

Although my friends and the lady at the mall have been sympathetic, my coach was not. Well, he was, but not to the degree of letting me skip practice. Which I suppose, is understandable. Because I wasn’t sick and wasn’t injured. But how well can I play when every time I bend my arms or knees, my skin crinkles? And not in the, oh-how-wonderful, I’m-unwrapping-a-candy-bar crinkle way, but in the utterly painful, hey-my-skin’s-not-supposed-to-crinkle way. Yes, I should’ve remembered to put on sunscreen. And to make up for it, I wore a long-sleeve shirt and sweats to practice (which quickly came off, because, as you guessed, it was sweltering hot). But how can I play my best when I’m hobbling around the field trying not to bend my knees? I felt like I was Frankenstein’s wife after being dropped in a pool of red Kool-Aid. And while this sounds funny now, at the time it was awful. Because when you’re sunburned, you’re not only reluctant to bend your joints, but also in the worst attitude ever imaginable. When I’m sunburned, it takes all of my energy to keep from cussing at the sun. If it were a bit closer (and if that didn’t mean our imminent end on earth), I would have surely socked the sun in the face by now. When not sunburned, I’m one of the cheeriest, happiest people I know. But once my skin turns that dark shade of red (akin to the Hulk’s dusky green), negative energy drips from my pores and I only speak in angry grunts. (Well, not actually. But how legit would that be?)

As an athlete, sunburns are some of the worst injuries you can get (from the category of injuries that you’re allowed to play on, of course. Compared to sprained ankles and torn ACLs, I’d definitely pick the sunburn). Now how you use this story is up to you. You could read this entry and think, ‘What a good idea! We’ll sabotage the other team by stealing their sunscreen the day before game day, and then lure them into the sun with candy and popsicles!’ (I hope you aren’t thinking that though, because that would be a bit bizarre.) Or you could read this entry and think, ‘Wow, note to self: put on sunscreen before I go to practice today.’ Or I suppose you could read this entry and think nothing of it at all. If you’re one of those people who doesn’t burn, I’m jealous. But you don’t have to pay attention to this entry. Go on with your perfectly sunburn-free day, and enjoy your unburnable skin. However, as for the rest of you, please wear sunscreen!